Dress for Success... With Men?

At work today, a girl who works in my old department (Hi Abi) mentioned a blog called Man Repeller that she recommended I check out. I found the title extremely amusing as "man repellent" is my way of describing a certain brand of jeans at the store that is composed of entirely too much spandex, a zipper long enough to wrap around your waist (twice), and all too often is polished off with jewels or sparkles adhered to the rear.

While I appreciated a woman's need to find something that will come up over her post-menopausal pooch, every time someone would ask me where those jeans were I would have an image of an impenetrable shield pop up around her nether regions. Truthfully, the jeans are not designed in an appealing manner and the adornments do little more than create a target out of the wearer's behind... which may be attractive to some, but personally I prefer my suitor taking an interest in my face, not the shiny, sparkly things glued to my hind quarters.

"Mom Jeans" -- thanks for doing your part to raise awareness, SNL.

I did take a gander at the Man Repeller blog and found it amusing. The blogger and I have quite a few opinions and interests in common; for example a shared affinity for not-so-subtle sarcasm. That in and of itself is enough to make me like someone. Further, I love anyone who has the ability to laugh at herself; I laugh at myself a lot, with good reason. If you saw how often I fall down, you'd laugh too. I'm always flabbergasted when people look at me like I'm the crazy one when I laugh at myself. What, would you rather I cry? I don't have enough tubes of waterproof mascara to manage that kind of maintenace.

Anyway, that blog and my distaste for a Jean Brand I Will Not Name For Fear of Retribution got me thinking about style motivations. For a long time I have been of the opinion women dress for other women because for the most part guys don't seem to notice. They know what they like, sure, but when it comes to revving their engines the possibilities typically begin and end with things such as low riding jeans, thigh high stockings, and school girl plaid skirts.

Of course, that's not true of all guys. Unfortunately, the vast majority of ones who actually do appreciate the aesthetic significance of high-waist trousers tend to also be the ones who have no interest in taking those trousers off, ya dig?

In addition to chats about bedazzled denim, this evening also yielded my very first time taking care of a 12 year old girl who weighed maybe 80 pounds soaking wet. She and her mother were shopping for an outfit for a bar mitzvah reception and they were struggling. Long story short, the girl was trying to turn a high-waist cotton/jersey blend skirt into a low riding mini and topping it off with as tight a tank top she could find. I was also informed her intended hairstyle would be "flat ironed!" Memories of lifeless hair and hip bone baring ensembles a la Mean Girls blazed through my mind and I felt a deep-seated need to help. After showing her the benefits of tucking a blousey tank into the skirt and adding a belt (as well as unrolling said skirt to make it a normal length for anything other than a napkin) along with topping it off with costume jewelry, her mother was smiling and the young girl looked stylishly young and fresh. Still, I could tell she didn't trust me.

From Mean Girls... this is how we girls often dress pre-Mom Jeans. Interestingly, this style never seems to die out from the high school scene... it just gets recycled and called "vintage" at your local Wet Seal.

Finally, I told her I was going to take the opportunity to do her a favor I didn't have anyone ballsy enough in my life to do for me as a pre-teen. I explained she was more than welcome to go to the event dressed like every other girl there and chance that one of the boys might notice her amongst the herd-- after all, that's the whole point of this wardrobe debacle, yes?-- or she could trust my judgment, wear the outfit I put together and guarantee a bit of attention. The boys wouldn't know exactly why she looked so much better, but she would have zero competition because clearly none of the friends guiding her fashion choices were receiving the same kind of wisdom. She would be in a league of her own, because no one would look as cool as her. I also suggested a teasing comb and mousse.

She went back into the dressing room, changed, and sent her mom out with the goodies I had selected. We also set up plans to shop this Friday night to put the finishing touches on her ensemble.

So is this whole concept something we develop in adolescence and it pours over into our adult years? And at what point exactly do we stop trying to be as sexually appealing as possible? Do we hit "go!" on the biological stop watch and race to the Fast & Easy sections of the store the minute puberty sets in, only to be stifled like a buzzer going off when estrogen production slows down?

My viewing of style is typically littered with costuming ideas, likely a direct result of spending a huge chunk of my life onstage. I have what I refer to as an overactive imagination and instantly start telling stories in my head when I see ensembles. My ideas of "sexy" can be very warped. If you show me a woman in a colonial era dress, hair piled on top of her head with a handful of loose strands and no makeup, I will begin spinning a tale of forbidden lust and a stable boy ravishing her in the barn. That explains the sloppy hair and, oh, did I mentioned a smudge of dirt on her neck?

Then again, I also have a tremendous amount of appreciation for all things Brigitte Bardot and she is a widely recognized sexy symbol. Apparently everything is fair game for turn-ons in my book.

Brigitte Bardot in her sex kitten glory. Hi, can I have your face?

So what is man repellent? I used to not consider myself worthy of dressing in anything more than jeans and old t-shirts. My ex seemed to prefer me that way, because when we got back together post-self-reinvention, he would often mention how he actually preferred my less "dressed" days. But you know what? The new me felt sexier, more confident, more capable. I wouldn't say I dress in a way that is especially outlandish, and more often than not I am described as being "cute", but expressing myself through style gave me that extra oomph. Of course, there is something to be said for a woman in nothing but a shapeless men's shirt, no makeup, hair loose... but how many of us walk the streets like that?

Now that he's an ex, other guys are noticing my style and not minding it at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure they like it... which has caused me to draw the conclusion that the definition of man repellent is directly related to the confidence of the man in question. The more confidence he has, the more likely he will appreciate those four inch espadrilles or your gold-threaded turban.

Perhaps it's not so much a matter of the woman's age or hormone levels as it is one of the maturity of the guys and the level of self-esteem both parties are exhibiting. Maybe we never have to give up our desire to dress for our own inner success if we stop taking an interest in guys who expect our greatest achievement to be our relationship with them.

Besides, women live longer than men and I'd rather live out the gray-haired days I spend alone surrounded by beautiful, interesting clothes instead of toiling over which pair of faded elastic-waist stretch denim I ought to wear that day.