Real vs. Imaginary Women

A conversation about style inevitably becomes a discussion of fashion. While some people may want to pretend fashion and style do not influence them, we are surrounded by it. In turn, the industry contains a breadth of hot debate topics, ranging from quality and a question of taste to eco-responsibility and social norms. The "norm" most frequently discussed is size.

In the case of men, the number stitched into one's pants label does not seem to be as much of a discussion. Some men pride themselves on their 32-in. waistband, while others subscribe to the "bigger is better" mentality. It seems whichever side of the line they fall under, men embrace their natural physiques with greater ease than women. There are certainly any number of guys who lust to identify in the looks department with such gentlemen as Ryan Reynolds circa Blade Trinity, or the ever classic, Brad Pitt in Fight Club... but I somehow doubt they are standing in fitting rooms crying because they have to go up a size in their pants.

I'm not judging women who do, but I am judging those who refuse to accept their correct size because they are convinced they deserve/ought to be another. What fuels the mindset that a woman must be a certain size? What causes us to believe if we go up numerically, we are a failure? Those are questions I do not believe we will ever truly find answers for.

Some people place blame on society: do we raise young women to believe they must be eternally petite Daddy's Little Girls? Do we encourage females to remain lithe and tiny so as to appear more defenseless and thus, desirable damsels in distress?

A more popular point of view is to attack fashion and the images projected by designers. After all, we are constantly thrown images of long, lean Brazilian bikini models, so naturally we assume we must all look just like them. To me, that logic is the same as saying if you watched Avatar a few times you might draw the conclusion that your skin being any color other than blue makes you a freak.

Such rationalizations might be easy to draw as a child; naive and impressionable, little girls would be easy to convince. But as women? As adults? I think it's time to own up to a little maturity and start asking bigger questions than, "how can I get my stomach as flat as that Victoria's Secret model's?"

The big picture is, what matters most is not what a label defines you as being. That's true in regards to brand names and it is also true for size. Style should not be dictated by how many designer tags you have hanging in your closet, so why do so many people insist on associating it with the size on those tags?

Interestingly enough, that concept is beginning to be embraced in a much more aggressive manner and replaced with a new one: the idea of "real" women, or rather, women who exceed size 10. While many people are more than happy to denounce previously held notions regarding the necessity to be a small size, a great number of them are then clinging onto a new physical expectation: unless you are on the larger scale of things, you are apparently not a real woman.

Some other commonly associated statements with this new neurosis include, but are not limited to:

"Real women have curves."

"Men want a woman with meat on her bones."

"Normal women are not a size 2."

Do people listen to the words coming out of their mouths and consider what they actually mean? First of all, it is entirely possible to be both small and curvy; I am a testament to that. Further, why is it necessary to devalue those who are small in terms of sex appeal? More importantly, why should men get so much say about our physical dispositions? Last, what is so abnormal about being a size 2? I say this because I hear those comments on a regular basis at my job. I am a size zero or 2, depending on the garment. I am also an hourglass figure and not only eat lunch, but also breakfast and dinner and usually I like to top my meals off with dessert. Nevertheless, women have no problem coming up to me and asking me where the Real Women Sizes are.

"The what?"

"You know. The Real Women Sizes. None of this little girl stuff. Where do they keep the stuff for us fully grown girls?"

Ahh. So not only am I abnormal, my growth is stunted. Is that the message I am supposed to take from those remarks? Frankly, I suspect people would get fairly angry if I suggested they push back from the table so they can fit into the Imaginary Women Sizes. I don't believe food is the be-all end-all of what creates our physical stature, but since it is apparently okay to imply such an idea, perhaps I should get on board.

This discussion is something I think about often, but particularly jumped to the forefront of my mind in reaction to a recent post on The Sartorialist. He made a comment about a girl he photographed being curvy and was immediately berated. I feel this portion of his reaction was quite succinct:

"[This] post [was] hijacked over the political correctness of the words. So help me understand; what is the modern way to speak about size?"

I will be the first person to admit I am judgmental. Who isn't? The truth is, I am as bothered by the sight of a grossly overweight woman as I am of a malnourished and frail woman. I prefer a look of health, and to be totally honest, it is infinitely more fun to dress. I find when dressing women of the other extremes, they are never truly comfortable in anything I put on them. I am sure there are any number of reasons for that, but the one that jumps out at me is they are uncomfortable in their own, unhealthy skin.

In reality, no single size or body shape/type is healthy. What is healthy is entirely dependant on the individual and we all need to take responsibility for the health of our insides so our outsides can reflect it. That is not only relevant to physical health, but mental.

I propose we all stop categorizing bodies by "real" or, my personal favorite, "anorexic"-- because it's so easy to see a brain disorder just by looking at someone, right?-- and instead start focusing on ourselves, the individuals. The snide remarks, the nasty slang words; let's just get rid of them. Instead of relegating fault, how about we start taking responsibility for perpetuating body image negativities?

I, for one, believe style is personal. I believe it is about dressing well for who you are, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Embracing style should be a way to express ourselves, not an opportunity to belittle what we see in mirrors and around us. "Normal" is an irrelevant term and I hope someday use of the word "healthy" will no longer reflect a comment on one who fits one specific shape or weight, but rather, the body type most suited for the individual.